CES 2020 has just wrapped up, and my head is honestly still buzzing with excitement about all of the new technology and inventions that could possibly hit consumer shelves soon. At CES 2020, there were products such as automated ping pong machines that could play against a single player, dancing robots and even an AI bot that could deliver you toilet paper when you’re on the can. All of these things (particularly the latter), are things that I would love to see on the consumer market one day.. However, the items that I am about to list are a different story.
You know what they say right? With every good idea, there are thousands of bad ones and these items that I am about to list are no different. In the spirit of ingenuity and entrepreneurship, here are 5 of the most pointless inventions ever made. At least they tried.
Not to sound too old here, but does anybody remember a time where young children DIDN’T rely on technology to have a decent childhood? Yeah. Me neither. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember a time where a kid wasn’t handed an iPad or smart phone to keep them occupied in public while stressed out parents ran errands or 6 years olds that weren’t completely glued to playing phone games at the diner table. I even once passed a baby stroller that had tablet technology built into it.
The fact of the matter is, we are living in a digital era and it follows us everywhere….even to the porcelain pony. The iPotty is a potty training tool for children that comes with a stand that holds an iPad. This whole gimmick is an awful idea. First of all, the concept of utilizing a smart device while doing your business is not a foreign one…..we just held it….with our hands. 2nd, if your kids are still being potty trained, there is a gross chance that there’s gonna be some mess all over your iPad when the deed is done. However, if you’re still intrigued, here is the link….. Not trying to crap on this product…no pun intended.
#4: The Remote Wrangler
“Honey! Where’s the remote? I told you not to move it!!”
It’s an argument that has threatened marriages and relationships since the dawn of television. “Where the Hell is that remote?”
Luckily, with the help of the Remote Wrangler, you’ll never lose that remote ever again! It’ll always be with you…..on your face. This product is essentially a headband that you wear that can velcro all of your essential remote controls to your face so that you will never lose them again. Now we can’t say that this product isn’t useless. Losing the remote does suck, and this product definitely does solve the problem. It’ll just cost you your self-esteem….maybe your social life.
#3: The Baby Mop
Free food? Free room and board? Nonsense. It’s about time these little freeloaders start earning their keep around the house. This product is essentially a onesie for a baby with mops attached to it so as your newborn moves about the house, he/she is simultaneously cleaning it as well. Just imagine your little tike tumbling around the kitchen unevenly cleaning your baseboards and floors. Hopefully your child won’t recall being your anthropomorphic mop from ages 1-2.
#2: Diet Water
This is for all you fitness people out there. Bet you didn’t know your precious water packed so many calories huh?…. Neither did I. This COMPLETELY REAL product based in Japan takes the completely calorie free beverage that is water and re packaged it as “diet” water that is apparently healthier than the latter. Let’s see Smart Water top this one.
#1 Gold Pills
I’ve always had a goal since I was a little kid. I vividly remember sitting in my third grade homeroom exclaiming:
“One day, I’ll have so much money, I’ll poop gold!!”
I was 9 give me a break…..However, it appears that my dreams will be coming true with the aid of these gold pill capsules loaded with flakes of 24 karat gold. By ingesting a couple of these bad boys a day, these are guaranteed to turn your feces into a spectacle that is as handsome as a pile of gold.
It’s everything I’ve wanted and more! Now that we have gold plated feces chilling in the toilet, what do we do now?
You flush it.
Yeah.. That’s right. Your poop may be golden now, but it’s still feces and you’re now flushing 24 karat gold down the toilet. Now this wouldn’t be such a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended), if these capsules didn’t sell for a whopping 400 dollars. You’re about to flush pure gold down the toilet, but at least your poop sparkled for an aesthetic bathroom moment. I guess if you were going to drop 400 dollars on this product, you were flushing your money down the toilet either way.