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Melania’s Final F***ing Christmas in The White House

The First Lady, Melania Trump, revealed her final White House ‘fucking Christmas decorations’ on Monday. This is an official, very serious review of her decorative theme and choices.

We all remember that decorating for Christmas is not exactly Melania’s favorite activity. She does not care for ‘fucking Christmas decorations’ and doesn’t understand why anyone else would. Unfortunately for dear Melania, White House Christmas tradition is not something to be trifled with. So she had to decorate anyway and make a whole fancy video about it. The whole thing rings delightfully false in this strange, mildly dystopian holiday season.

The theme of this year’s decorations is “America the Beautiful” which is somehow incredibly bland and extremely tone deaf all at once. I don’t know if the First Lady has heard, or if she is too busy with her decorative ire, but things aren’t going that well over here. In fairness to poor Melania, I guess it’s not very festive for the theme to be a burning dumpster of chaos or widespread plague and despair. So, “America the Beautiful” it is.

The Decorations: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Now, for the decorations themselves. Let’s just start by saying it’s better than that one year where she put up all those trees that looked like they had been soaked in blood.

The decorations this year are actually pretty normal looking. There is nothing glaringly outrageous about them. They look exactly how I imagined a Trump Christmas would look. There were a lot of roses, which I didn’t know were a Christmas thing, but I can totally get behind that. It’s all a little tacky and over the top in that festive way that Christmas decorations are kind of supposed to be. She is a Trump, after all. I think a promise to rid herself of all understated taste was written in the prenup. However, I will begrudgingly admit that I actually kind of like the way these decorations turned out for the most part.

Like all the years Melania has been in charge of Christmas, this year’s decorations attempted to highlight her Be Best initiative. All those fancy ornaments really highlight that mission. We all still totally give a fuck about Be Best at this point in this administration. That’s a thing. Her legacy is going to be great.

Melania looks like she hates this, just as much as she openly admits that she does. Shocking. In the course of the video, the First Lady is shown only briefly, and at no point does she crack anything resembling a genuine smile. It’s almost like she was publicly caught admitting that she hates decorating for fucking Christmas and then her husband made her do it anyway. That totally fits with the spirit of the holidays.