Scott Dikkers

Scott Dikkers is a Columnist at Grit Daily. He is the founder of TheOnion.com, The AVClub, and Blaffo. He's also the #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Write Funny and Outrageous Marketing: The Story of The Onion and How to Build a Powerful Brand with No Marketing Budget.

Society Needs to Turn Off the Screens and Get Back to Real-Life Gladiator Games

We’ve all heard the statistics. The average person spends 12 hours a day in front of a screen, but less than 20 minutes ritually fighting another gladiator to the death. America can do better. Have We Forgotten How to Wield a Battle Axe? While young people in our schools are logging screen time in class and out of class, they’re failing to build actionable, real-world gladiator skills like how to wield a battle axe in hand-to-hand combat in the fighting arena. Our best hope for the future lies...

I Just Need to Get My Life Organized and My Limbs Reattached

You know that tabletop in your house piled with papers, mail, and stuff you have to deal with? Mine is a disaster! There’s tax forms I need to file, an autopay notice from my bank, plus all the papers are soaked in blood spraying from the shoulder socket where my arm used to be. It’s a mess! It’s tough to stay organized. Like with recycling grocery bags, for example. I try to remember to bring a reusable bag to the supermarket but I always forget. So I get paper bags, and then I fold those and...

If You Can’t Nod Vacantly in Agreement with Me, Then Don’t Say Anything at All

We need more civility in our culture. The national dialog has coarsened to the point that the old rules of politeness aren’t enough to ensure that my opinion will carry the day. Are you doing your part to listen to me and agree with me no matter what? Sadly, most people aren’t. In this toxic environment, we can’t even hear each other anymore. And the problem is not that I can’t hear you. The problem is that you can’t hear me. When you can’t hear me, you can’t adopt my view on any...

There Are 100,000 Orangutans Left—They Need to Wear Better Cosmetics

The word orangutan means “man of the forest” in the native Malay language. But the “women of the forest” aren’t doing all they can to accentuate their sexiest features with the latest make-up tricks. In the remote Southeast Asian jungles they call home, orangutans live an isolated existence, cut off from the most basic personal beauty products we take for granted in the developed world. The primates’ numbers are dwindling to the point of extinction, with rapidly deforested...

My True Social Media Friends Know the Real Online Me

Nowadays it’s tough to know who your real Facebook friends are. I value all my online contacts, and look forward to spending quality time on their blogs. I always offer a genuine like when I see them in my daily feed. That’s because I’m a genuine, down-to-earth online persona. In this age of social media, it’s easy to forget who’s really important to us online, and it’s even easier to fall out of touch with those we love on messenger, Snapchat or even imessage. What’s missing now is the real...